by Augustus Rodriguez, Lampoon Editor

Ill-famed villain Mr. McGueber aims to teach students about the wonders of Social Studies.

As students are now settling into the second semester and getting their classes, there is speculation about a new teacher joining the St. John Bosco family. 

The speculation was shot down on January 7th, when students received their class lists and saw that their new Social Studies teacher was Mr. McGueber. 

The title of the said course is called “Gueberism and You.”

“I’m going to teach kids about the real stuff they should learn in the world,” said Mr. McGueber. “I am going to be the best teacher that these students have seen.”

A lot of students and staff are shocked about this decision, as Mr. McGueber has an unsavory past with St. John Bosco. Many students are wondering why Mr. McGueber has been forgiven for all of his wacky antics, including attempts to take over the world and the school.

Bosco Principal Mr. Ernie Antonelli gave his reasons why Mr. McGueber was even chosen for this type of job.

“Look, [Mr.McGueber] sent me a muffin basket and a crudely drawn sad face telling me that he is sorry for all he has done to the school,” said Mr. Antonelli. “I like muffins, so of course I accepted his apology even though he tried to take over the school many times.”

Despite the lack of knowledge about Social Studies as a whole, Mr McGueber aims to give it his all. In fact, he claims to have a new way of teaching and way of life.

“I call this new teaching ‘Gueberism,’” said Mr. McGueber. “Gueberism is the teaching where you think that I am super cool and you give me all of your money; it’s something kids should learn at this time of their life.”

Surprisingly, other teachers don’t seem to mind Mr. McGueber’s weird teaching antics. In fact, they seem to enjoy Mr McGueber’s presence.

“I am glad I don’t have to share a classroom with Mr. McGueber. I have heard he does some weird stuff in his class,” said Social Studies Instructor Mr. Voortman. “He gave me a pamphlet on Gueberism, and I am not going to lie; it’s kind of a good way to make some cash.”

Students who are currently taking the course say the exact opposite thing.

“At first, I thought [Mr.McGueber] was a chill dude who didn’t care what people thought about him, but after a couple minutes he just started freaking out,” said senior Jack Snow. “He didn’t even teach. He just showed us a pre-recorded video of him talking about Gueberism and then started to sleep on the floor.”

Mr. McGueber also brings in guest speakers to talk to the class. The problem is that the speakers are very random.

During one class, he brought a supervillain named Philly Buster who is infamous for being unable to stop talking. In fact, Philly Buster didn’t even talk about Social Studies; he just talked about how his fantasy football team is the best.

To students, the homework he assigns seems strange.

“The first assignment, Mr. McGueber told us to do was a word search, but somehow there weren’t any words and just hieroglyphics,” said senior Julian Almanza. “Then, we had to write an essay on Mr. McGueber’s achievements. I got a bad grade mostly because [Mr. McGueber] can’t do anything right!”

Mr. McGueber also implemented a wider scoring system, which includes all of the letters of the alphabet. This would mean an F isn’t a failing grade nor a bad grade in his class.

“The worst grade you can get in my class is a ‘Z-’. If you get it, it’s your fault. My course is so easy,” said Mr. McGueber.

Schoology can’t output that type of grade, so it instantly gives students an A in their grade. This means that, once again, Mr. McGueber’s weird wacky ways have failed once again.

Despite all of these complaints from students, Mr. McGueber will continue to teach Gueberism to all the unfortunate students who happen to take his class.