Lampoon: DNA Anomaly or Reincarnation? Coach McIntosh’s DNA linked to St. John Bosco

by Isaiah Holm and Timothy Levine

Once thought to have no biological descendants, results from a DNA test prove that there may be another Don Bosco out there.MACBosco

Ancestry.com, one of the largest genealogy companies in the world, has recently found a direct link between St. John Bosco High School’s very own Coach McIntosh and the founder of the Salesian order, St. John Bosco.

This is surprising news as Bosco was a priest that was known to have no children or direct descendants. One could surmise that the DNA comes from one of his siblings. However, there are no other links in DNA from previous generations prior to Coach McIntosh, making this connection improbable and what makes it seem nearly impossible is the fact that the DNA is 100 percent identical.

Margo Georgiadis, CEO of Ancestry.com, believes this to be some sort of DNA anomaly.

“We here at Ancestry have never before seen such an anomaly in DNA,” said Georgiadis. “To have a direct link in DNA over a century after the passing of St. John Bosco could not be possible without having descendants in between the two. It would have to be some sort of anomaly in which the DNA just happened to be similar. Since the DNA is exactly identical, this would seem to be impossible. However, there is a theoretical possibility, but it would be more than a 1 in 70 trillion chance.”

Other people seem to have a different explanation. The Salesian Order of Don Bosco believes that he is a reincarnate of the Saint himself. Father Ángel Fernández Artime, Head of Salesians, is one of the believers of this theory.

“Myself, and the rest of the Salesian Order believe that Tim McIntosh is the true reincarnate of our founder Don Bosco. We do not know how this happened but the Salesian Order truly believes it is a gift from God Himself,” Father Artime said. “God has made his will known to us: the world is need of another Bosco to continue his legacy and message. That is why I will be stepping down from my position as the Head of the Salesians, allowing for Tim McIntosh to take my place.”

Currently, the Cardinal for all over the globe are gathering in the Vatican to discuss the possibility of Sainthood with the Pope, due to the extraneous circumstances of the situation. It is unknown whether Coach McIntosh will be given the title of saint, although inside sources believe it is highly probable and will most likely take place within the coming weeks.

People all over the world have high expectations for Coach McIntosh to assume this role in the Catholic Church and the Salesian Order. However, Coach McIntosh has different ideas.

“I am flattered by the offer and the attention this has brought me, but I am not a saint, nor do I have any intention to become one. I will be continuing my work as both a teacher and coach as that is what I love to do,” Coach McIntosh said.

Could this be a strange anomaly or could it be the reincarnation of a saint? Either way, McIntosh has let us know that he plans on continuing his life as usual and moving on.

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