Lampoon: Which Bosco Bathroom Reigns Supreme?

by Zachary Gardiner

The most important thing to a Bosco student, next to a heightened education, stellar athletics and a warming sense of welcoming brotherhood, is a comforting place to relieve one’s self.

St. John Bosco High School has six bathrooms, all in different locations, offering many different services, ranging from powered hand dryers to automatic urinals. Some are well kept, some are too hard to be kept. Today these six bathrooms will be ranked from best-to-worst. 

When asked about their opinions of the different bathrooms of Bosco, seniors Parker Beam and Aaron Pena both rated the 200 building bathrooms in their top three.  Pena rated the top floor as his favorite, while Beam rated the bathroom on the ground floor by the basketball court the highest. Both are kept clean, however the ground floor bathroom boasts six stalls – including one handicapped – six urinals and three automatic hand dryers. This makes sense, considering that this bathroom is made most available to guests of the campus. 

Both students rated the 300 building bathroom in the middle tiers of their lists, likely as a result of its pungent smell. This bathroom also seconds as a janitor’s closet. What keeps it in the middle grounds is its size. It has 4 stalls and 4 urinals. The sinks are usually functional. 

Both Beam and Pena rated the 400 building bathroom at the bottom of their lists. This bathroom is about as bad as it can get. Terrible smells, overflowing sinks, unsavory puddles – not good at all.

Without further ado, here are the official rankings of the 6 bathrooms of St. John Bosco. 

1) 200 building, ground floor

The crown jewel of high school bathrooms. Kept clean as the first bathroom made available to the public when events are held on campus. The many stall doors have sturdy locks, and there are plenty of urinals. It’s as good as it gets on the bottom floor of the 200 building.

 2) 200 building, third floor

This is your average restroom. 3 stalls, 3 urinals, sinks that don’t work all that great and just your average paper towel dispenser. This bathroom has a window facing out towards the front of the school and on a good day with no smog, you can see the downtown Los Angeles area.

3) 200 building, second floor

This bathroom is nearly identical to its counterpart on the third floor; however for some reason, this one always has more people in it, often resulting in the occasional overflowing sink and wet paper towels on the floor, but overall a well-kept bathroom.

4) 300 building

This is where things begin to go downhill. Although it does have a whopping four stalls and four urinals, this bathroom is often neglected when it comes to basic cleanliness. Toilets are always clogged, toilet paper is always missing, and for some reason, there’s always this lingering smell.

5) Track bathroom

This bathroom is the second bathroom most available to visitors so it is kept clean. However, this is the smallest bathroom on campus. Located by the baseball field in the corner of the school, the soccer, lacrosse and baseball crowds often use this restroom. Unfortunately, it only has one stall and two urinals.

6) 400 building

This is the worst bathroom on campus by far. The smell is terrible, and it’s almost guaranteed that at least half of the toilets are clogged.

Well, with that, it appears as if the 200 buildings ground floor restroom is the best on campus! Let’s hope it doesnt deteriorate like some of the others anytime soon. In the meantime, keep relieving!

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