Monthly Archives: April 2020

Lampoon: “Quarantine Life” With Brave Staff Writer Joshua Whitfield ’20

by Joshua Whitfield

Staying at home gives me and many others what we’ve always wanted, to become one with our inner introverted selves and do nothing. Now after a month at least I am fed up with it, I now have cabin fever and it will very soon become insatiable until I can see someone other than the same 4 people I see every waking moment of every day.

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I have done what no man, woman, or child has ever attempted since the years of streaming tv shows and movies online became popular. I have finished my queue, My List, whatever you want to call it, my infinite pit of entertainment has run dry. I started off small by adding maybe one or two shows and think “Oh I can binge this next weekend”, but never realized I have made a fatal mistake. I created a queue that I was continuously adding to week in and week out of things to eventually watch, but before quarantine, I knew I was never going to catch up on all of this seeing as how I didn’t have the free time as I do now. But, once quarantine started I started trying to catch up, this was my opportunity to indulge in this impossible challenge I have made for myself. The challenge was to catch up on all my shows and movies, which added up to about 50 TV shows and movies altogether. Yet soon enough the one all-nighter of binging I did turned into multiple nights on a somewhat consistent basis, sometimes even consecutive all-nighters were thrown into the mix as if I couldn’t mess up my sleep schedule enough. But now one month into quarantine I finished over 30 movies and around 15-20 TV series. Once I completed the mission I set out for, I realized that quarantine now sucks even more than before.

I then went through a crisis of doing random activities and hobbies I wanted to get into such as cooking, reading, working out, or even spending time reflecting on decisions and my mental sanity while in quarantine.  Just yesterday my classes were done around noon and I walked outside went to the top of the hill in my backyard and sat there with no music or social media and fell asleep for an hour and a half while just looking at the sky on our turf thinking about life and what I should start doing better at.Quarantine parody picture

With my TV and movies now being a barren wasteland of bland unappealing no named titles in my eyes because I have seen everything I wanted to, I moved to more video games with my friends. I was hopefully going to scratch that itch for new fun things to do, but it made my quarantine mood even worse because all the time I spent watching movies and stuff I became rusty at the video games I was good at. Now when I hop on to play Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare, I get hit with a 360 drop shot even though I’m sitting in a corner. I came to the realization that I now suck at all my games that I was good at and gave up. Eventually, I ended up trying something most teenage boys have never attempted or thought of before, I went to talk to my family about their lives and what they’ve been up to. I ended up calling every contact I had on my phone whether it was with people I haven’t talked to in a while or cousins and relatives I haven’t even met that whose numbers I got from my parents. I just spent multiple hours rekindling relationships with friends and family.

With all this primal communication I even dug deep down and tried to talk with my older brother, but unlike all the other people I talked to, he’s not pleasant to be around because he still lives with me. Anyone who has an older sibling knows how easy it is to get under each other’s skin, which is what we do to each other. We get on each other’s nerves so much we question why we’re related to one another sometimes. With so much close physical contact he and I started calling each other out on small things we overlooked in the past, I talk about the way he walks inside the house and how small he is. He walks in singing but like most people who think they can sing, he is terrible at it but does it anyway. He plays the same music he sings through his speaker in his room sometimes very loudly and even though he’s had a month of free time like myself, he can’t bring himself out of the eight songs he sings almost every day.

My mom’s gossiping hobby that she enjoys is at an all-time high going so far as to talk about things I’ve said in voice chat with my friends every few days with everyone she talks to. My dad has not changed in the slightest since the quarantine, as he still goes to work. My dad and online classes are about the two things I feel indifferent about during this quarantine because sometimes I can get more hands-on help from certain teachers even easier than during the school year. Yet still for the two things that don’t feel are detrimental to my mind, body, and spirit, quarantine has ruined all of my enjoyable different media forms and forced me to adapt and to become a “normal human being” as my mom likes to address me as.

Sports: The NFL “Distance” Draft

by Lucas Garrison, Sports Editor

With a ton of build-up, the first-ever online NFL draft proved to be nothing short of interesting. The first ten picks in the draft went off without a single trade, then out of nowhere the Tampa Bay Buccaneers flipped spots with the San Francisco 49ers and selected Iowa offensive tackle Tristan Wirfs. The presumptive number one pick, Joe Burrow, went number one to the Cincinnati Bengals.

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As a matter of fact, the first three picks of the draft ended up exactly how all draft experts saw the selections going: number one overall former-LSU QB and national champion Joe Burrow (Bengals), number two overall DE Chase Young (Washington Redskins), Number three CB Jeff Okudah (Detroit Lions). The team with the most picks in this year’s NFL draft, the Dolphins, selected Alabama QB Tua Tagovailoa. Tagovailoa will more than likely spend the majority of the season, if not all of the season, from the sidelines. Tagovailoa will be sidelined due to hip surgery, the result of a season ending injury that was the final chapter Tagovailoa’s storied career with the Alabama Crimson Tide.

Several teams seem to have more questions than answers post-first round. The New Orleans Saints selected C Cesar Ruiz (Michigan) whose projection for most experts was not until the 2nd or 3rd rounds. Arguably the biggest lock of the draft being S/LB Isaiah Simmons (Clemson), is now an Arizona Cardinal. No one in their right mind anticipated that happening.

Personally, I cannot believe the New York Giants end up selecting OT Andrew Thomas. Night one proved to be a success. Friday night at rounds 2-3 will begin at 4 P.M. PST. Be on the lookout for teams such as the Steelers and Texans to make a splash, both did not have a first-round pick.

DRAFT LOCKS

  1. Isaiah Simmons S/LB, Cardinals- Pick Number 8
  2. Chase Young DE, Redskins- Pick Number 2
  3. Joe Burrow QB, Bengals- Pick Number 1

DRAFT REACH

  1. Andrew Thomas OT, Giants-Pick Number 4

Better options at pick 4, Isaiah Simmons S/LB, Derrick Brown DT, Jerry Judy WR

  1. Cesar Ruiz C, Saints-Pick Number 24

Better options at 24, Patrick Queen LB, Jeff Gladney CB, A.J. Espensa DL

  1. Damon Arnette CB, Raiders Pick Number 19

Better options at 19, Kenneth Murray LB, Patrick Queen LB, Grant Delpit S

News/Op-Ed: Pope Francis Leads Faithful Through Pandemic Crisis

by Ryan Tavera

In this time of angst and uncertainty, Pope Francis hopes to shine a light through this cloud of darkness by delivering a prayer in a desolate St Peter’s Square. 

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It was a rainy Friday in Vatican City as Pope Francis delivered his Urbi et Orbi blessing amidst the COVID-19 pandemic which has left more than 18,000 people dead in Italy. The Pope delivered the blessing in front of an empty St Peter’s Square in the heart of the Vatican City.

Speaking through the rain, Francis read from the Gospel where he urged the world to create a sense of unity and to comfort each other as times get tougher. Millions of people from around the world were able to tune into the Pope’s message via television and social media while remaining quarantined.

“We have realized that we are in the same boat, all of us fragile and disoriented, but at the same time important and needed, all of us called to row together, each of us in need of comforting the other,” said Pope Francis.

Amidst the empty square, Francis stressed the importance of hope and faith. The leader of 1.3 billion Roman Catholics was asking for perseverance from his people.

“Reawaken and put into practice that solidarity and hope capable of giving strength, support, and meaning to these hours when everything seems to be floundering,” said Pope Francis.

Pope Francis believes the crisis has shown the depth of our sense of helplessness before the present crisis, Francis suggested, is a measure of our modern overconfidence in “ordinary” times.

“False . . . certainties we have constructed around which we have constructed our . . . projects. The tempest lays bare all our prepackaged ideas and forgetfulness of what nourishes our people’s souls. We have gone ahead at breakneck speed, feeling powerful and able to do anything,” said Pope Francis

Likewise, Francis also praised the heroes who are on the front lines fighting this battle such as doctors, nurses, health care providers, police, grocery store employees and volunteers.

“Writing the decisive events of our time: doctors, nurses, supermarket employees, cleaners, caregivers, providers of transport, law and order forces, volunteers, priests, deacons, religious men and women and so very many others.We remember our families and the efforts of each of us to care for our families and our neighbors,” said Pope Francis.

The Vatican called the service “An Extraordinary Prayer in the Time of Pandemic,” and this pandemic is unfortunately still going strong. Nearly reaching 2,000,000 total confirmed cases worldwide, the USA currently having the most confirmed cases at over 500,000.

Lampoon: “Quarantine Life” with Brave Staff Writer Alex Rotter ’20

by Alex Rotter

I’m writing from where I’ve been for the last three weeks: my boring house in La Palma. First of all, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my senior year at home playing Fortnite. I’ve gotten a couple of DUBS in the past few weeks, but the teammates I play with make me rage a lot. Plus, I’m always talking trash about their skills, or lack thereof. 

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I haven’t just been sedentary this entire time, though. I’ve also been doing a lot of “at-home workouts,” and frankly, it can get pretty extreme, especially when I start yelling for no apparent reason. I’ve been trying to push myself to get a better body, so I can impress more girls over the Summer, if that even happens. To be clear, the screaming is a total non sequitur to courting girls. That’s just something I’ve been doing, and I hope it doesn’t carry back over into public life once my quarantine is over.

Sometimes living with my family can get a little weird, especially my mom. She’s been understandably paranoid about the COVID-19 outbreak, but she’s gotten stricter than ever. When I go outside to do something and forget to leave my shoes outside, she will flip. Also, when I get food delivered, she’s constantly telling me to take it out of the box because the “COVID-19 is in there.” I tell her that doesn’t make sense because if the virus was attached to the box, it would be on my food too. I’m thinking she’s just going insane like everybody else in the world. But who knows? I’ve had trouble keeping track of every last CDC recommendation.

Further in her defense, I’m also going a little crazy and don’t know what I want do with my life anymore. The first couple weeks were pretty chill, relaxing for most part. Although this past week has been tough. I’m very lonely now and in need of help. I swear sometimes I think I’m not going to make it through this quarantine. At least once per day now, I will start talking to myself in the mirror, like Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver or something, because I haven’t seen my friends in so long. They also have been doing virtual concerts online, which inevitably ends up with me dancing wildly in my living room.

I’ve been watching a new “Netflix Original” that you’ve maybe seen: Tiger King, which is about “Joe Exotic,” a guy who owns a ridiculous amount of tigers, and this other woman who “saves” the tigers, who apparently had her husband killed. The show has me laughing really hard. I now want to have a tiger as a pet.

When it comes to online classes, all that I can say is that it’s become abundantly clear that random YouTube videos and video games are more entertaining than my teachers’ video lectures.

I end up just sleeping for most of the day once I get my schoolwork done because I’m obviously limited to what I can do in my house. Every time they extend the date for quarantine and remote learning, I just want to cry and eat ice cream. I swear, at my house, there is only unhealthy food to eat and feel at the end of this quarantine I will be 30 pounds heavier regardless of my at-home workout efforts and deafening screams.

News/Op-Ed: Disneyland Closes for the First Time Since 9/11

by Christian Bode

California is on “lockdown,” from schools to sporting events, concerts, and other large public gatherings, which inevitably hit one of the biggest tourist attractions on the planet: Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure, which will remain closed indefinitely.

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These lockdowns have affected us in many different ways. L.A County is on lockdown, with schools being shut down, and non-essential outings and groups of 10 or more being banned. This, of course, would inevitably hit one of the biggest corporations and hangout places on the planet. Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure have been closed till March 31’st. This is not a shocker to anyone, but for people who know Disneyland. There is no other place that has the resilience to stay open through other hardships but it seems as though this is too hard for them. The reason this is big news is that through thick and thin, Disneyland has stayed open. Through the Ebola outbreak from Africa, Sars, and many other viruses. Through rainy days and earthquakes, Disneyland Theme Parks have stayed open. 

The last time Disneyland closed, to the public without any prior notice, was on September 11, 2001. This date was due to the attacks on the Twin Towers in New York which shook the nation to its core. For many people, Disneyland closure is scary, as it may make some people realize just how bad and dangerous this virus is. On the Disneyland website, you can find a notice about the epidemic and the reason for their closure.

“While there have been no confirmed cases of COVID-19 at Disneyland Resort to date, after carefully reviewing the guidelines of the Governor of California’s executive order, and in the best interest of our guests and employees, we have closed Disneyland park and Disney California Adventure Park,” the statement reads.

The Disney Company has also announced that they will be pausing all charges for all pass holders, so you are not charged seventy-four dollars a month while not able to go. Many people were petitioning for this, as it was very important to many who did not have enough money to even survive the quarantine. The Disney Company paid attention to their family and kept their promise. Walt Disney did always care for everyone, no matter what race or gender someone was. He always put forward the safety of his guests and cared for them. You can still see his ideals shine bright today with his theme parks. As Walt Disney once said, “A man should never neglect his family or business”. We are all his family and will always be forever. 

One final major issue is that of the workers. The Hollywood Reporter has announced recently that Disney will start to Furlough, Grant leave of absence to the staff that have non-essential jobs at this time. This process will begin on April 19th and could affect more families than previously thought. It is not clear on how many employees will be affected but is very scary for those who work as food vendors, or ride operators. As there are no guests to give them work. We must pray for all of those that will be and already were affected by the current situations in the world.

 

Sports: From The NBA to The Olympics, COVID-19 Will Make Fans Wait For Their Sports Events

by Hunter Richardson

COVID-19 has halted the regular lives of almost everyone in this country, especially when normally sports fills a void in times of crisis, this virus has ruined the best time of the year for sports fans across the country.

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Sports came to a halt when Utah Jazz center Rudy Gobert tested positive for the virus and sent a shockwave through the sports world as every league postponed play for an undetermined amount of time. These developments couldn’t have come at a worse time for sports fans with notable events such as March Madness, Opening Day, the Olympics, NBA, and NHL playoffs, and much more being postponed or canceled.

College sports fans are taking the biggest hit amongst other fans during this pandemic as all college sports are canceled for the rest of the year. This included the highly anticipated March Madness tournament which had several great teams, potentially making for an outstanding tournament. This abruptly ended the college careers of several players such as Obi Toppin, Onyeka Okongwu, and arguably the greatest female college basketball player of all time, Sabrina Ionescu. 

The COVID-19 pandemic sent a shock through the NBA as it became the first league in the country to postpone or cancel future games or events. This happened right as the home stretch of the playoff race was taking place. This season remains in jeopardy with nobody knowing whether it will be completed. For LA basketball fans this comes as a major disappointment leaving fans wondering if they will get the LA vs. LA matchup that has been talked about ever since Kawhi Leonard and Paul George joined the Clippers. Other storylines that fans may never see play out are Zion Williamson’s race for the fewest games played for the Rookie of the Year and Giannis’s back to back MVP push and his championship push. The future is very uncertain for how this season will continue if it does at all but fans can only pray for full completion of the season.

The MLB season is taking a major hit with spring training being canceled and Opening Day being postponed. All baseball fans have waited months for this season and will have to wait longer. Dodger fans will have to wait to see newly acquired All-Star outfielder Mookie Betts take the field and join the star-studded lineup that the front office of the Dodgers has put together. 

The most dramatic effect coming from the sports world of the COVID-19 pandemic is the postponing of the Summer Olympics to 2021. The world’s biggest event will have to wait much like every other sporting event. Most athletes, in general, are fine with this decision for their own personal safety but for sports fans this just piles onto the hit they are taking where they have no source of entertainment other than reruns of old games and events.