by Augustus Rodriguez, Lampoon Editor
Untalented supervillain Mr. McGueber throws his hat into the drama scene with his own play.
Mr. McGueber has done some pretty weird activities in St. John Bosco. Now, he is trying his luck as a director and playwright.
Mr. McGueber is naming the new play I Forgot My Car Keys in My Car, which is set to rival St John Bosco’s newest theater production Jersey Boys.
Many students, including the cast of Jersey Boys, don’t mind the competition.
“If the competition is Mr. McGueber, we don’t have to worry that much,” said junior William Pearce. “He has no real budget or even crew to help him set up all this stuff.”
Students are also wondering about the plot of I Forgot My Car Keys in My Car.
Mr. McGueber says the story is a harrowing tale of someone losing their car keys.
“It’s about a very handsome man that forgets his car keys in his car,” said Mr. McGueber. “Already a better plot than the other play, like come on people. There is drama in this.”
Despite stating how wonderful this play will be, Mr. McGueber cannot use the Bosco Theater.
This restriction was implemented because of a scene in the play where the main character blows his car up to get his car keys.
Opting for an immersive experience, Mr. McGueber used a combination of smoke and fart bombs thinking it would create an explosion. However, it only left a nasty smell that still lingers in the theater.
“It’s a shame; we had to stop rehearsing due to Mr. McGueber’s shenanigans,” said senior Dominic Navarro. “He also left several empty cologne bottles in our dressing rooms thinking it would block out the horrendous smell.”
With no place to set up the play, Mr. McGueber is now rehearsing in the Bosco Community Garden of all places.
Students are also wondering how Mr. McGueber even had the time to write a script and cast auditions for this theatrical performance.
“I had Squaddle write up a script, but his handwriting was so bad that I decided to just go with the flow,” said Mr. McGueber. “I am also just snatching random Bosco and St. Joseph’s students to do this play.”
Mr. McGueber is set to make this the best play that, in his words, will “revive Shakespeare himself.”
Things have gotten so out of hand to the point where Mr. Martin Lang, Bosco’s Director of Theater Production, has tried to figure out what the play really is.
“I feel anyone could get into theatrical performance if they poured their heart and soul into working on it,” said Mr. Lang. “Creativity is needed, but Mr. McGueber is the one person I feel is terrible at doing anything. This can make this play a hard watch for everyone.”
Mr. McGueber is going to sell tickets for $20 per person.
“I want money and I want it now, so people better pay for this wonderful experience,” said Mr. McGueber. “It’s beautiful seeing how to get over unknown emotions.”
The characters in the play have been quite weird as the story has odd characters like a set of car keys, Mr. McGueber himself, a ham and cheese sandwich, a dude named Sticky Ricky, a woman named Furious Felicia and many more wacky characters.
The Bosco Theater has nothing to fear with Mr. McGueber putting on a play, as his plans always end up in a train wreck.
Much of the cast from Jersey Boys got curious about how Mr. McGueber would rehearse so they spied on the rehearsal of I Forgot My Car Keys in My Car.
“There was not really a rehearsal, it was just Mr. McGueber doing stand-up which was really bad,” said St. Joseph senior Jolynn Hallum. “I would rather watch grass grow.”
Despite the criticism, Mr. McGueber is still set on having one sided beef with the whole Bosco Theater program.
“People don’t want to see a show like that, they want to see something astounding like my play,” said Mr. McGueber. “It’s 100% authentic. I even brought a real ham and cheese sandwich to play the character.”
Mr. McGueber has so much beef with the theater that he even started to put his own poorly made flyers on top of the Jersey Boys flyers around campus.
“I feel it’s very unprofessional for Mr. McGueber to do any of this for a play made purely out of spite,” said junior Kai Maldonado. “The flyers are basically the school’s toilet paper with ‘Come to my show, please’ written on it with crayon. At least he said ‘please.’”
With all of this said, it’s still unknown what type of play it would be, as Mr. McGueber changes his answer every time it’s mentioned.
“It’s like an investment. You pay to see the play and you are given the best play in the entire world for a cheap price,” said Mr. McGueber. “I totally won’t leave with the money and scam people out of their hard-earned money. I am not evil – remember that.”
With all this hype that Mr. McGueber is making about the play, there is a massive problem that he has skimmed through.
Since Mr. McGueber can’t use the theater, he won’t be able to sell his tickets there either.
To purchase tickets, students need to go to Mr. McGueber’s lair located on the campus.
Unfortunately for him, nobody really knows where Mr. McGueber’s lair really is, and Mr. McGueber is not taking any type of online pay.
“I searched far and wide throughout the school but I can’t seem to locate Mr. McGueber’s lair to buy the tickets,” said junior Andrew Iona-Tuivaiti. “You would think if something is so hyped, it would be easy to get but apparently not in this situation.”
Even with all of these issues, Mr. McGueber will still do the play I Forgot My Car Keys in My Car. Showtimes for the play are unknown, as Mr. McGueber is too lazy to make a correct date.
Additionally, Mr.McGueber has already bought rights to more plays like Ear Candy I Slipped On A Banana Peel and My Balloon Left Me At The Train Station.
All the cast and crew of Jersey Boys would love to see everyone come and support the arts with a better play. Tickets for Jersey Boys are available on TicketLeap. Showtimes start at 7:30pm on Fridays and Saturdays and at 2:30pm on Sundays, from March 14-16 and 21-23. All performances are to happen in the Bosco Theater.